The 6 Ps to improving your marriage: Ask for What you want!

Complaining is easy. Sometimes even fun. Especially when compared to the work of creating a plan for positive change. 

Step 1: Ask for what you want! 

When I go out to eat I don't tell the waiter give me something delicious. What if I were to say," I have no idea what I want but, when I taste it I will know." No, that wont work. Clarify your desire and BE SPECIFIC.

P1: Pushback When the urge to whine, wail, curse and, moan occurs. Don't do it! I know it is a buzzkill. But, take a deep breath. Push back against the emotional urge to react too quickly or to overreact. Be a No Drama Queen or King. 

That being said, it is important that we learn about managing emotions rather than allowing our emotions to manage us. For example, when we feel angry, it is important to be able to stop, identify that we are angry, examine our hearts to determine why we are angry, and then proceed in a biblical manner. Out-of-control emotions tend not to produce God-honoring results: “Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:20).

P2: Possibilities Release the urge to find fault and find energy for imagination.  Maybe all is not what it appears. Is it possible, that there is another explanation or reason for what is happening? 

Eccles 3:1 - 4. (refers to times, which are seasons) .It reads..”To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up (harvest) that which is planted;

Try pretending you are the other person.  Even if you are right and the person has wronged you. Maybe it isn't the right time, place or way to discuss the situation. Act like you are Cinderella and have to wait until the fairy godmother comes. There is a time and place for everything under the sun. Don't tweet, Facebook, Instagram, act out in public, etc. Think before you act!

P3: Preferences Think about the preferences that work for you and your spouse. Allows answers to come. Be open to new thoughts or ideas. He may enjoy cooking and you like working in the yard. That's cool. Your relationship doesn't have to look like your parents or anyone else. 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.(Philippians 4:8)

P4: Pinpoint the real problem. It can be hard to admit what is happening inside sometimes. Like a toddler that needs a nap but, refuses to take one' the only way is forward even when it is not pretty. When you focus on the exact problem you can give a specific solution. The solution may raise eyebrows but, so what?

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. (II Timothy 2:15)

P5: Pull back As if directing a movie or play. Think what would make the scene better. Could I speak softer or kinder? Are there better words to express the issue without name calling and violence. Pull back and check your perspective. A Perspective answers the “why” questions.

Lack of perspective is a mark of spiritual immaturity (1 Corinthians 3:1-2). In contrast, having perspective is evidence of spiritual maturity. Hebrews 5:14: " But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil."

There are many benefits of learning to see everything from God’s perspective:

P6: Practice makes perfect. Give it a try. If nothing else has worked what do you have to lose.

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